Frankfort, KY. Speaking from the basement of the Governor's Mansion, Steve Beshear addressed a select group of local journalists chosen for their drug and gambling addictions.
Beshear who now insists people refer to him as "Hit Me" revealed his plans to transform the 94 year old residence into a giant roulette wheel.
"It will be like the ones in Vegas only bigger, but it will not be on a green baize or housed in a faux medieval castle. When you go into the new mansion you will see lines of slot machines. We are going to hire lots of overweight people to play on these. It will summon that classic mix of depression and poverty as well as creating two-hundred minium wage jobs for Kentucky." Said Beshear.
Beshear plans to change the address of the mansion to 13 Black, Capitol Avenue, because it's his lucky number. There will also be a large white ball obstructing the front door. Because of this he claims, entry to the mansion will be through a nearby window.
The roulette wheel is to be twenty-seven stories high and spin like a regular casino wheel. This circular motion will generate power for the mansion's utilities and also redirect the stench of the working poor away from the residence.
"It will be like a fan. My biggest fan", joked the Governor while fingering his freshly dyed white hair.
The Governor then ordered me and the other journalists to sit around a card table. He delt a series of five cards to all of us. My cards were all blanks as were the other journalists. The Governor then put his cards on the table. He had five aces: a diamond, spade, club, heart and a photograph of himself with the word ace etched on his forehead. He then demanded that we give him $50 each or our watches. We all handed over $50 except for the Business First writer who gave him $100. Governor Beshear then discarded his clothes and donned a robe which had Ceasar's Palace emblazoned on its rear. He then got into a nearby camp bed. The duvet, that he pulled-up tighly about his head, had a cover which displayed a series of dogs of playing poker. He then wished us good night and turned out the lights.
