Hospitality Industry
Gift Shop Attendant
Looking for workers who enjoy being overworked and underpaid. Boss is unfriendly and demanding. Must be able to smile while miserable and B.S. with patronizing clients. After hours and most weekends required. Minimum M.A. or equivalent. PhD preferred. This is an exciting opportunity to meet the wealthiest and most self-important people in the state as well as the most insecure B-list celebrities on the comedy circuit. $8/hour.
Professional
Administrative Assistant
Seeking an attractive woman who is able to keep boss organized and erect in all situations. Fast fingers (for typing) and bending over during filing required. Must have good sense of humor as boss loves telling jokes. $27,000/year + BONUS available with additional duties.
Government
Intern
Dynamic? Creative? Good Networker? Fundraising abilities? Computer savvy? Able to lick stamps and other things? Seeking local intern for national effort. This program provides young Americans the opportunity get to know their state senators in a way that few Americans imagine. Intern will be paid in life experience.
Medical
Fast drying coopertonicative passeradiosizer
The Baptist-Judeo-Christian Hospital for the Betterment of Industry seeks highly skilled workers in the Fast drying field. RNIIAMBJER required. RNIJWW preferred.
Sales Representative
Are you a Liberal Arts Grad without a future? Desperate? In college you thought only artists starved. They neglected to tell you that English Majors have no future either. Now you can. Join the exciting facile facilitating industry and work on your own terms. Commission based structure means you can earn as much as you want…and if you don’t heh.. you are no worse off because you can continue to live with mom and dad. Blue and Bluer are seeking facile facilitators for Louisville locations. Apply today. All applications are confidential **
** some information may be used for our sub prime lenders so that you may take out loans that you can utilize when you don’t earn any money on this job.
Warehouse.
In love with repetitive work? Are you subservient? Lack self-esteem? Afraid of authority? Expect no reward for hard work? Live for the weekend? However, will sacrifice your weekend for your boss’s betterment? If yes to all of these questions fax: 502-999-1111. On the cover sheet of your fax write: @111+???////*. Include your name, address, phone number, email, cellphone, mother’s maiden name and include a photograph of yourself jumping through a hoop while squeezing blood from a stone. Benefits include: Prozac, coffee and Redbull voachers. Readers and Alchemists need not apply.
Part Time.
Seven half days per week. Monday to Sunday, including Judgement day if necessary, refilling potholes with dried oatmeal. Will train. Won’t pay. Only joking. Benefits, aha. Fuck you. To apply go to the corner of Hubbards Lane and Brownsborough Road and defecate until you are arrested. From your police cell remote view Simon at cordinates 29-52 and request his help. Former applicants need not apply.
Gift Shop Attendant
Looking for workers who enjoy being overworked and underpaid. Boss is unfriendly and demanding. Must be able to smile while miserable and B.S. with patronizing clients. After hours and most weekends required. Minimum M.A. or equivalent. PhD preferred. This is an exciting opportunity to meet the wealthiest and most self-important people in the state as well as the most insecure B-list celebrities on the comedy circuit. $8/hour.
Professional
Administrative Assistant
Seeking an attractive woman who is able to keep boss organized and erect in all situations. Fast fingers (for typing) and bending over during filing required. Must have good sense of humor as boss loves telling jokes. $27,000/year + BONUS available with additional duties.
Government
Intern
Dynamic? Creative? Good Networker? Fundraising abilities? Computer savvy? Able to lick stamps and other things? Seeking local intern for national effort. This program provides young Americans the opportunity get to know their state senators in a way that few Americans imagine. Intern will be paid in life experience.
Medical
Fast drying coopertonicative passeradiosizer
The Baptist-Judeo-Christian Hospital for the Betterment of Industry seeks highly skilled workers in the Fast drying field. RNIIAMBJER required. RNIJWW preferred.
Sales Representative
Are you a Liberal Arts Grad without a future? Desperate? In college you thought only artists starved. They neglected to tell you that English Majors have no future either. Now you can. Join the exciting facile facilitating industry and work on your own terms. Commission based structure means you can earn as much as you want…and if you don’t heh.. you are no worse off because you can continue to live with mom and dad. Blue and Bluer are seeking facile facilitators for Louisville locations. Apply today. All applications are confidential **
** some information may be used for our sub prime lenders so that you may take out loans that you can utilize when you don’t earn any money on this job.
Warehouse.
In love with repetitive work? Are you subservient? Lack self-esteem? Afraid of authority? Expect no reward for hard work? Live for the weekend? However, will sacrifice your weekend for your boss’s betterment? If yes to all of these questions fax: 502-999-1111. On the cover sheet of your fax write: @111+???////*. Include your name, address, phone number, email, cellphone, mother’s maiden name and include a photograph of yourself jumping through a hoop while squeezing blood from a stone. Benefits include: Prozac, coffee and Redbull voachers. Readers and Alchemists need not apply.
Part Time.
Seven half days per week. Monday to Sunday, including Judgement day if necessary, refilling potholes with dried oatmeal. Will train. Won’t pay. Only joking. Benefits, aha. Fuck you. To apply go to the corner of Hubbards Lane and Brownsborough Road and defecate until you are arrested. From your police cell remote view Simon at cordinates 29-52 and request his help. Former applicants need not apply.
No comments:
Post a Comment