Wolf Blitzer: The Man Behind The Face?
CNN, Thursday, 3am.
This animated documentary traces the purported inception of Wolf Blitzer. Shocking evidence is presented that Blitzer was genetically engineered from DNA extracted from Shirley Temple and a wolverine found on Martha Stewart’s estate.
Jeopardy Motherfucker
CBS, Friday, 7:30pm
An episode of the popular quiz show directed by Quintin Tarrantino. With Alex Trefuck as himself.
She’s My Daughter Not My Nanny
ABC, Thursday, 9:00p.m
New sitcom. A handsome recently widowed CEO, David Hasselhoff, employs a nanny, Pamela Anderson, to take care of his nine year old kid, Morgan Fairchild, who suffers from the premature aging disease Hutchinson-Gilford Progesia Syndrome.
The O’Reilly Factor Alfresco
Fox News, Wednesday, 8:00p.m
Bill O’Reilly takes his studio show to the Grand Canyon where he performs to an audience of 750,000. Highlights include a techno version of his word segment and an interview with Dick Morris set to an unrelenting drum machine and an intermittent cuckoo sound.
The Howie Mandell Midget Crossbow Pursuit
NBC, Saturday, 8:00p.m
Howie Mandell is pursued all over the globe by expert bowsmen who are under five feet in stature. This week Mandell is drugged and left in field in Wellington, New Zealand. He is awoken by the diminutive marksmen and made to flea as the arrows fly about the conspicuous pilgarlic. Later he is rescued by the proprietor of a suitcase emporium. He insists that Mandell pose for pictures opening and closing suitcases.
Don Schroeder’s Fingers
Fox, Sunday, 4:00a.m
This week the ubiquitous news warrior, Don Schroeder, gives us an unvarnished view of his fingers. Fox’s unique finger cam displays Schroeder’s fingers from fifty thousand different angles and perspectives. This morning we see his fingers from the point-of-view of a Woodpecker and a Koala Bear.
Ann Northup Redux
Sci-Fi, Tuesday, 7:00pm
An assessment of the career of the erstwhile congresswoman intermittently disrupted by images of car crashes, explosions and natural disasters. Narrated by Amanda Tapping.
Kill Or Be Killed
Lifetime, Thursday, 10:00p.m
Sean Hannity discusses fictional characters culled from 20th century literature and argues why they need to be detained at Gitmo. This week Hannity erects a case against Travelling saleman, Gregor Samsa, who in Kranz Kafka’s 1915 novella wakes one morning to find himself transformed into a giant insect. Hannity argues that he needs to be sent packing to Cuba and, using the sun, tortured with a big magnifying glass before he can mount a campaign of terror against the American state from his insect base camp in the Czech Republic.
CNN, Thursday, 3am.
This animated documentary traces the purported inception of Wolf Blitzer. Shocking evidence is presented that Blitzer was genetically engineered from DNA extracted from Shirley Temple and a wolverine found on Martha Stewart’s estate.
Jeopardy Motherfucker
CBS, Friday, 7:30pm
An episode of the popular quiz show directed by Quintin Tarrantino. With Alex Trefuck as himself.
She’s My Daughter Not My Nanny
ABC, Thursday, 9:00p.m
New sitcom. A handsome recently widowed CEO, David Hasselhoff, employs a nanny, Pamela Anderson, to take care of his nine year old kid, Morgan Fairchild, who suffers from the premature aging disease Hutchinson-Gilford Progesia Syndrome.
The O’Reilly Factor Alfresco
Fox News, Wednesday, 8:00p.m
Bill O’Reilly takes his studio show to the Grand Canyon where he performs to an audience of 750,000. Highlights include a techno version of his word segment and an interview with Dick Morris set to an unrelenting drum machine and an intermittent cuckoo sound.
The Howie Mandell Midget Crossbow Pursuit
NBC, Saturday, 8:00p.m
Howie Mandell is pursued all over the globe by expert bowsmen who are under five feet in stature. This week Mandell is drugged and left in field in Wellington, New Zealand. He is awoken by the diminutive marksmen and made to flea as the arrows fly about the conspicuous pilgarlic. Later he is rescued by the proprietor of a suitcase emporium. He insists that Mandell pose for pictures opening and closing suitcases.
Don Schroeder’s Fingers
Fox, Sunday, 4:00a.m
This week the ubiquitous news warrior, Don Schroeder, gives us an unvarnished view of his fingers. Fox’s unique finger cam displays Schroeder’s fingers from fifty thousand different angles and perspectives. This morning we see his fingers from the point-of-view of a Woodpecker and a Koala Bear.
Ann Northup Redux
Sci-Fi, Tuesday, 7:00pm
An assessment of the career of the erstwhile congresswoman intermittently disrupted by images of car crashes, explosions and natural disasters. Narrated by Amanda Tapping.
Kill Or Be Killed
Lifetime, Thursday, 10:00p.m
Sean Hannity discusses fictional characters culled from 20th century literature and argues why they need to be detained at Gitmo. This week Hannity erects a case against Travelling saleman, Gregor Samsa, who in Kranz Kafka’s 1915 novella wakes one morning to find himself transformed into a giant insect. Hannity argues that he needs to be sent packing to Cuba and, using the sun, tortured with a big magnifying glass before he can mount a campaign of terror against the American state from his insect base camp in the Czech Republic.
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