I don’t know anyone more capable than me. I really don’t. I know many people that are capable, like presidents, movie stars, and Microsoft billionaires who wear glasses, but I don’t know anyone like me. I am revitalizing Louisville one brick at a time with my revolutionary property development company that with a flash of brilliance (following a superb glass of wine at Vincenzo’s) I called “Samantha”. Don’t ask me why because I do not know. I just did it. I am not a procrastinator. I could have delayed that last sentence but I just went ahead and got my intern to type it. That is the difference. I say and I do. I do and I say. I do and I do. I say and I say.
I remember a few years ago while at Country Day (My high school), the famous movie director Stu Pollard (knew him as Stuart back then) said to me, “catch the ball” and I did. I did it. Even as a teenager I was demonstrating this “can do” attitude. I strongly believe that I inspired Stu to go on to be the enormous talent that he is today. He clearly based his last movie Keep Your Distance on a story that I told him back in 8th grade – only I lied – I wrote it in 5th grade. That is another example of my spontaneity and is a testament to my prodigious creativity.
Because of my manifold talents as a child and a teenager, I was often bullied by cowards who thought it appropriate behavior to call me names such as: “Queer”, “faggot”, and “bum bandit”. None of this is true. I am neither a queer, faggot nor a bum bandit. I am, as my wife will attest, a truly great lover. There probably isn’t anybody more virile than me. I am not exaggerating. If a way of measuring virility existed I would come out on top (and boy am I attractive to women!) Just ask my mother.
I believe in helping the poor help themselves. That is why I rarely give money to charities. If you give a poor man money he will buy cigarettes and liquor, however if you give him a fishing rod he will go down to the Ohio and catch his dinner. On second thoughts, he would probably pawn the fishing rod and buy cigarettes and liquor with the cash.
I remember a few years ago while at Country Day (My high school), the famous movie director Stu Pollard (knew him as Stuart back then) said to me, “catch the ball” and I did. I did it. Even as a teenager I was demonstrating this “can do” attitude. I strongly believe that I inspired Stu to go on to be the enormous talent that he is today. He clearly based his last movie Keep Your Distance on a story that I told him back in 8th grade – only I lied – I wrote it in 5th grade. That is another example of my spontaneity and is a testament to my prodigious creativity.
Because of my manifold talents as a child and a teenager, I was often bullied by cowards who thought it appropriate behavior to call me names such as: “Queer”, “faggot”, and “bum bandit”. None of this is true. I am neither a queer, faggot nor a bum bandit. I am, as my wife will attest, a truly great lover. There probably isn’t anybody more virile than me. I am not exaggerating. If a way of measuring virility existed I would come out on top (and boy am I attractive to women!) Just ask my mother.
I believe in helping the poor help themselves. That is why I rarely give money to charities. If you give a poor man money he will buy cigarettes and liquor, however if you give him a fishing rod he will go down to the Ohio and catch his dinner. On second thoughts, he would probably pawn the fishing rod and buy cigarettes and liquor with the cash.
My new Foundation is addressing the problem of poverty. We hold “respect” classes in community centers throughout Kentucky that teach the poor to respect those that have an abundance of wealth. Once the poor intellect understands how to respect the free enterprise system the meek man and woman will benefit from its bountiful treasury. I believe this is my calling from God. I think I am well on my way to fulfilling biblical prophecy as a facilitator in awakening the entrepreneur in the poor, meek man so that he can inherit the earth. My pastor assures me that once this happens there will still be astonishingly rich people like me but the meek will be given bigger tax breaks and adopt a faith based lifestyle which will empower them to take back America from the liberal elite and sexual deviants who pollute our governmental system like a badly plumbed toilet. I say, “find a good plumber” and “get the crap out of the pot!”
In summation, stay in school, go to work, don’t take drugs, wear a suit to church and don’t think too much. It has always worked for me!
In summation, stay in school, go to work, don’t take drugs, wear a suit to church and don’t think too much. It has always worked for me!
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