Jim Bunning Unveils His New Invention: A Suit Made of Coal.

Louisville, KY. The Louisville Science Museum hosted Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning's announcement of his new invention: a suit made of coal. Senator Bunning, 101, claims that clothing made from the fossil fuel will revolutionize the world of men's evening wear and wedding attire.

"I expect the new coal suit to transcend the tuxedo by 1950. If you don't report this accurately then I will not be surprised. You are a bunch of liberals, and if Boston were a tree you would no doubt hug it. You lot would not know innovation if you saw Rudolph Valentino drive-by in one of those automobile contraptions," warbled Bunning.

Bunning's invention uses liquefied coal that is transformed into clothing by cajoling the coal to form a suit.

"I talk to the liquefied coal", Bunning whispered through gritted teeth, " I say something like get into the shape of a suit, give me 34inch pants and a jacket with a 40inch chest, and the coal changes into a suit."

Bunning claims that he has been talking to pieces of coal for much of his life. But it was only when liquefied that it responded to his admonishments.

"I used to urge lumps of coal to transform themselves into suits but nothing ever happened. But six months ago Mitch McConnell gave me some liquefied coal for my birthday. I headed straight to the bathroom and started to converse with it. I said make me a suit Master Coal, and it darn well did. It made me a little boy's suit because I did not specify measurements. I gave it to Mitch McConnell because he collects little boy's attire," said Bunning.

Bunning plans to market the suits to WalMart who he claims are very enthusiastic about the product.

"These suits are catastrophic for the environment and that's what appeals to people. They are sick of naysayers talking about America getting warmer. If they don't like the weather they should go and live in the Soviet Union with Thomas Paine and Paul Robeson. We can either ignore global warming or we can ignore global warming. I chose the latter," said Bunning.