Washington, DC. In a shocking revelation made in the House of Representatives this week, John Yarmuth said that he was, "too handsome for this place."
"I look around me and I see nothing but rotund guts, comb-overs, and faces that would not be out of place in Picasso paintings. Now I'm as liberal as the next publishing millionaire but you folks are bucket- of- shit grotesque."
Yarmuth's office recently received a call from Tom Cruise's people. They indicated that they would like Yarmuth to play L. Ron Hubbard in Cruise's new movie.
"I told them that I looked so good I could play Cruise's son. They are thinking about that, but the point is, we need to spy on the American people and drill for oil in Alaska," said Yarmuth.
Wrigley Shooter, Tom Cruise's spokesman, said that Yarmuth was seriously being considered for the role. "Tom was watching C-SPAN a few days ago and John came on. Tom shouted, 'that's him, that's L. Ron Hubbard.' I told Tom that L. Ron Hubbard was dead, but he insisted that John Yarmuth was Hubbard's reincarnation. Tom thinks Yarmuth would be a good fit for his movie about his life growing up with the Scientology guru. The title of the film is 'He Teached Me Everything I Knew.'"
1 comment:
Thank you, Congressman Yarmuth, for your willingness to fight terrorism and communists everywhere!
I tell you, these here horrible "Dummycrats" are working overtime to destroy our nation!
Every time I hear a bleeding heart atheist-liberal whining about civil rights violations and record national debt, or about how many middle-classers(disgusting creatures, really) are losing their homes or how the top 1% own 99% of the wealth(that's as it should be, so says Jesus), I vomit a little in my mouth!
God save President Bush!
-Norma Jean
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